Have an opinion about something you read in Grrowl? Write and let us know! Send your e-mail to: grrowl@nrrdgrrl.com. Last month's Snarl! about dating "rules" generated a few opinions:



"It's tough to get a handle on what 'we' women are supposed to do in this world. One thing is clear though, honesty in relationships is the only way.

Getting married, or just 'getting a man' is a fatuous stupidity based on myths of the early century. A marriage is a partnership. After the romance is gone and the kids are here we have to work at making the relationship continue. It's not easy or sweet and it's all full of the gritty concerns of day to day life. That's what it's supposed to be.

Marriage used to be a female ceremony. It marked the point in a girl's life when she became a woman who would bear children. The men respected and even worshipped this unique province of 'the others'. We are different in a few things but we do need each other.

Those books and articles written by high maintenance women who want men to subsidize their vanity are windows into the bankrupt soul. Men and women should love and care for each other in relationships and make a place to raise wonderful children or build a productive, pleasant life for our short stay on earth. Neither should subsidize the prurient laziness of the other."

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"I bought The Rules because a few people I knew were living by it (important side note: they are in high school). I read it and found that it is absolute trash. If you used this book to find someone to marry, you would end up with someone that didn't know you (you aren't allowed to talk more than ten minutes). Also, you might be a more aggressive person than 'the rules' let you be. Are you going to hide all that for a man? You should be able to find someone who loves who you for who are, not a cute little packaged person."

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"People: if you're obsessing about getting a man, you're doing it all wrong. *Anyone* can land a man, if she is desperate enough. There is no lack of males. The problem is finding a guy who respects you and is compatible with you.

A lot of girls and women who obsess on this issue are often so preoccupied with finding a guy that she loses her whole being in the adventure. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. This is the best way to set oneself up for a string of failed relationships. A woman should worry about "finding herself" (hate that phrase, but it adequately expresses what I'm getting at). Concentrate on doing something you like. Anything: sewing, welding, accounting, who cares what it is! Find out what kind of person you are and try as much as possible to do what you like in life. This sense of fulfillment will plug much of the psychological void of not having a boyfriend. If you're always obsessing about find a man, and you don't get one, then you're liable to always feel empty. Concentrate on doing what you're meant to do.

Second, develop good morals. Morals are the key to good relationships. Don't lie, don't play vengeance games, etc. Bad morals destroy relationships. This may sound preachy, but it's true.

And then, when you have a firmer sense of identity-- *then* you can look for a guy. *LOOK*-- not obsess. And be picky. It may mean a few more years of loneliness, but compatibility is extremely important. Write down a list of things you want from a guy and then try to find a man who fits that description and try not to compromise-- at least on essential points (whether he's blond or not is sort of non-essential).

This, is a nutshell, is the way to look for a guy. Admittedly, it ain't easy. But it's better to forego 10 bad relationships to find the right man, than to have those relationships and end up jaded and emotionally scarred. You can't obsess over it, though. It's the worst thing you can do."

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About Dear (blank):

"This story/poem really does explain pain that girls go through, whether or not they did make a mistake in that way or some other way... it really relates to our real lives. It is cool!"

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"Dear Blank made me cry. I guess that's what being a woman is about. Being angry, and crying while you're doing it... Why do we beat ourselves up so much for affection? Now that's a question. I watch some of my girlfriends do it, even myself. Somewhere along the way we were programmed into thinking that without 'someone' you're no one."

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About Archway:

"Clair Carter-Ginn's "Archway" is compelling, wrenching, even. She certainly expresses a feeling/fear many of us have experienced. Thank you for publishing it!"

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"Re: Archway. Where do you find these talented kids! Wow!"

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"Images so sharp they cut like glass leaving us bleeding too. Carter-Ginn is a real artist and your zine is great -- we want more ads!"

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"Re: Archway. This is a real talent -- thank you for giving her a showcase. Your zine is great -- your time and talent shows through. Best wishes as you help your artists get noticed."

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"Re: Archway. Baaad-ass! My compliments!"

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About G-Train:

"I've had mystery men like that, that I've seen every day in the coffee shop I go to before work in the morning. Neat to see what I think all the time written out!"

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About Skateboard Grrls:

"I just got done reading your article on skateboarding grrls..it was great..I think there need to be more grrls in extreme sports like skateboarding, snowboarding, and wakeboarding. I'm fifteen and I live in MN so not much time for skating. I just started skateboarding. All my guy friends have been skating for years and have wanted me to start because I would be the only grrl in our town, let alone our area to skate. One of my best friends gave me his old board. I've only been skating for about 5 months and I've mastered my ollie and turning.

One thing that sucks is that there are no places to skate. Everyone gets kicked out of the parking lots because owners think they're causing trouble. In fact a nearby town actually outlawed skateboarding! It was illegal to be riding a board at all, kids would actually get chased by the police. Kids had tried to get a skate park in town for a long time but the city would say it could never happen because of the liability, but the kids kept trying and finally about a couple of weeks ago they got their park."

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